If you’re reading this through your RSS feed reader, you’re my good friend. After all ups and downs and mood changes, I could say you should have deleted this blog from your feed but if you didn’t, I want to know you more. Please message me.

I still have a lot of mixed feelings about this. Writing feels good but sharing and caring about this blog, or any other online presence, is hard for me. It makes me feel overexposed, makes me feel vulnerable, or even pointless. But I decided to continue writing and sharing, for my own mental health and benefit.

While this web site was down, I took the opportunity to do more digital detoxing. Deleted more and more online accounts, making the number under a hundred, and did some steps to achieve more security and privacy.

I did a mistake of publishing this blog on a personal domain for a while, and I regretted that decision, making my domain public opened doors to spam emails and attracted unwanted attention, and this conflicted with the need to keep the domain and email private. So I moved the private email to another domain, and the change is in process.

I also did some organizing to separate my online identities with ones I share publicly, and did my best to have the best possible approach towards it, respecting my privacy and security.

I tried to explore new things. Eating new food, trying new fashion, using technologies I haven’t tried, playing some board games, and enjoying awesome music. Simone, as generous as always, gifted me his music and I’ve been enjoying them on my last two road trips.

I also been watching two new series lately, bringing back family movie/series nights just like how it was 20 years ago. I still get the same feeling, and it’s very joyful.

It’s spring and we have been enjoying greengage for the last month. They are one of my favorite fruits, and I had a lot of them lately, more than I should have. Definitely worth it though. I waste a lot of money on stupid things but this one I’m not ashamed and I don’t regret it.

Work has been good. I’m learning a lot and my co-workers are super nice. I respect them a lot and they respect me. It’s still a new experience for me and I’m thankful for the opportunity I have. It has its ups and downs but it’s all for my own good, I believe.

I’ve been blogging here for over five years, and now I find myself somewhat tired of it. It used to be fun and helped me take my mind off things, but now I feel like it’s becoming a burden.

It’s the last place I’m online, the last place I regularly update, and the only place I share my ideas. However, I have a strange feeling about it—a sense of disappointment and discouragement.

I feel like I have nothing valuable to share with others anymore. It seems pointless to share my political views, ideological beliefs, and understanding of the world. Apart from free software, I don’t think there’s anything anyone would find useful to read here. I’m empty of new ideas, tired of sharing them, and too busy to curate any meaningful writing.

I’ve thought hard about deleting this blog. I did it some time ago, but I later regretted my decision and brought it back. Now, I’m considering purging everything again. I’m even thinking about removing the DNS records so that there would be no web page, not even an error page. However, I know I’ll miss it. I find something interesting to share, and I regret that I don’t have a place to put it. I’ll have something to say, and I’ll feel sorry that I purged the only place I could say it freely.

I know it’s my safe haven, and I mostly write for myself rather than for readers. I don’t try to attract people; my goal is to express my thoughts and feelings freely. I’ve thought about deleting this blog, it’s been on my mind for a long time, and I find it too difficult. Mostly because I feel a sense of security and belonging here. I feel there’s somewhere I can talk when there’s nowhere else. I think I can be useful, I can teach something and learn more from others.

I’ve found friends through this blog and I intend to find more. I’ve learned a lot from them and I enjoy their messages now and then. So I’ll keep it alive for another day. Tomorrow, I hope to decide to keep it for one more.

I’ve experienced this a lot. Sometimes the most complicated problems we face in life, ones that mostly we created for ourselves, have the simplest solutions to fix. Sometimes we just don’t see it. Sometimes it’s so obvious we just can’t believe the problem we thought was so big, is just a small little inconvenience we can fix with littlest effort.

I was thinking about this huge problem I had in my digital life for some time and talking to a friend about it and it then hit me. Do this small effortless fix and everything will get back to normal. No need to bother myself or anyone else. This actually happened a lot and some of them were so trivial that I don’t even believe if the actual problem was that ridiculous.

Sometimes we just got to take a deep breath and just not to think about it.

You can return to the past, but the past is empty. Your old school is still operating, but your friends and classmates are no longer there. Your childhood home is still standing, but your family is gone, and when you walk down the alley, your neighbors and childhood playmates are no longer around.

The cafe you used to love still exists, but your favorite barista, who knew your order, has moved on. The streets remain the same, but the faces do not. The buildings are still the same, but the energy and feeling you once got from them have changed.

The past is a place, but the present is where life flows. It’s sad but you got to move on. I try to think about the past with a smile. I try to remember my memories and enjoy the good feeling I got in that second, instead of feeling down for not being able to enjoy that exact moment.

There’s a paragraph on my web site, on all my personal web sites that I ever have published, that I truly believe in.

One of the benefits of having an open mind is that one’s thoughts and opinions will eventually change. There is no shame at all in changing personal views and beliefs over newly presented evidence.

I really believe in that and I experience this on a daily basis. There’s not a single day that passes and I don’t think about how I’ve been growing up and changing my ideas, belief, and my way of thinking. Every day, I think to myself about how silly I was just a year ago.

I used to think I’m a communist/anarchist. I believed in that system and I promoted it. There’s no doubt that communism is pretty in theory and I loved that theory but I grew up to realize how dangerous it is. How practically it creates dictatorships. It’s been long since I admired a communist.

I remember how in my teen years I used to love Che Guevara. Who wouldn’t love that lovely man on poster? Now I resent that racist, bigoted, mass murderer.

I used to love BMWs, now, as an adult, I love Benz.

I came to realization that growing up has a real impact on you. Age is not just a number, it really matters sometimes. It shows off your experiences and maturity. It shows you how much you’ve changed over time and how much you’re more understanding and thoughtful. I’m pretty sure in some years, I’m totally different from now as I grow up and gain more experiences and become more mature. And it has no shame in it.