There’s nothing more human than

• Texting people you’re on your way when you’re actually not even dressed.
• Keep having hope when you know it’s not gonna happen/gonna happen.
• Promising God you’ll behave when you need something from him.
• Wandering around naked when nobody’s home.
• Feeling beautiful when you look at yourself in the mirror but feeling opposite when you see yourself in front camera.
• Wasting your money on something foolish when you need to spend on more serious stuff.
• Unlocking your phone and then locking it immediately.
• Looking at clock on your phone then forgetting the time right away.
• Setting up multiple alarms, each 5 minutes apart, in the morning.
• Lying about your age.
• Speaking your mind while joking but truly meaning it.
• Opening another bag of snacks when you finished one.
• Grabbing some fruit or sweets from the box when you’re placing it inside the fridge.
• Making lists of stupid stuff.
• Dreaming about what would you do if you had Jeff Bezos money.
• Imagining yourself in a race when you’re driving or walking in the sidewalk.
• Imagining yourself as a singer in the shower.
• Randomly counting your money in the wallet.
• Writing something on social networks and not posting it.
• Imagining you’re friends with someone famous or someone you look up to.
• Being indecisive on unimportant matters or details.
• Forgetting a specific thing when you know you know it, but right now that you need it, you forget about it.
• Being depressed about your future while you know you’re fine.
• Keep being calm and acting normal when you’re exploding from inside.
• Doing the exact opposite of what you advise people to do.
• Fantasizing about becoming a superhero.
• Bluffing.
• Imagining your wedding with a random person you see on street.
• Randomly removing your mobile screen protection and getting a new one.
• Being excited for your online order then being completely emotionless about it.
• Playing a music track on loop too much that you get sick of it and can never listen to it again.
• Forgetting what you’ve put in the list so you put it on again then you realize it’s duplicate so you remove it.
• Being excited about a change then realizing what you had before was better.
• Giving excuses to continue your behavior towards something when you know it’s just an excuse and you don’t really mean it or believe in it.
• Suddenly doubting everything in life.
• Forgetting why you were angry at someone/something but keeping your distance.
• Wanting to text someone but being afraid that you look cheesy.
• Trying to prove yourself to someone.
• Getting tired of proving yourself to people.
• Disagreeing with someone even if, deep down, you agree with that person.
• Not liking someone you don’t even met. You just don’t like the sound of that person.
• Answering someone’s messages just because you have to keep social manners but you don’t really want to answer.
• Leaving someone on ‘seen’, thinking you’ll answer later, but totally forget about it.
• Having a favorite set of outfit.
• Drinking something out of habit, not because you really like it.
• Suddenly starting to cry with no reason.
• Getting up and your brain decides you’re sad today.
• Getting up and thinking it’s a sad day but it turns out to be a really good day.
• Getting up hyped and happy then becoming the least-lucky person alive.
• Actually being afraid of flying (airplanes) but pretending you’re not.
• Reading an entire page of a book and then having to read it again because you can’t remember a word of it.
• Picking up something you dropped by your toes.
• Checking if something is expired by sniffing it.
• Holding your breath when the main character in the movie goes under water to see if you would survive in the same situation.
• Peeing in the shower.
• Accidentally sending a text to the person you’re talking about.
• Carrying too much from your car or somewhere so make it in one trip.
• Running to your room when you turn off the lights in living room so the monster won’t catch you.
• Drinking something out of the cap.
• Drinking directly from the bottle instead of pouring it into a cup.
• Trying to push down every color in those pens we all had.
• Spinning an apple by holding the stalk.
• Grabbing and cutting a leaf when you walk past a tree.
• Trying to put the light switch halfway.
• Trying to peel an orange in one go.
• Disassembling and then reassembling your pen and imagining it’s a gun or bomb.
• Not stepping on lines on sidewalks.
• Trying to go upstairs but using least steps as possible.
• Randomly opening the fridge when you’re bored and keep going at it every 10 minutes.
• Opening the microwave one second before the alarm goes off.
• Checking if you can do something faster than your shadow.
• Adapting an accent from someone you’re talking to.
• Reacting so fast that you think you’re an Avenger. You’ll test if you’ve became Spiderman or Dr. Strange.
• Writing something someone says instead of writing what you actually wanted to write.
• Sniffing your armpits to check if you smell.
• Going up on a slide instead of the stairs.
• Singling or talking into the fan like a robot.
• Drinking juice from a wine glass and pretending you’re drinking alcohol.
• Poking holes in the pencil eraser.
• Pretending you’re giving yourself a shot with those mechanical pencils.
• Fake sleeping.
• Smelling book pages.
• Closing the fridge door slowly so you can see when the lights go off.
• Trying to finish your drink at the same time as your cake/meal.
• Blow bubbles on your drink.
• Putting hair clip on your mouth.
• Using your hand as a cup when drinking water.
• Pretending you’re smoking when it’s so cold that that steam-like thing comes out of your mouth.
• Writing 07734 on your calculator and turning it upside down so it reads “hello.”
• Jumping on bed or sofas.
• TV as background music.
• Repeating some part of a music that you like more than other parts.
• Imagining yourself in a movie fight scene and knocking out your enemies.
• Building a castle using bed sheets and pillows.
• Looking into a pipe and pretending you’re a pirate.
• Drawing on the steam on the car windows.
• Lying when you didn’t need to and you don’t know why you lied.
• Claiming you have ability and talent when you finished the game completely out of luck.
• Licking yogurt lids.
• Walking along the fences and touching it.
• Peel the paint off the walls.
• Make a ring with our fingers and put it under a stream of water so it wouldn’t touch our hands.
• Trying to connect two magnets with same poles.
• Holding the ice cream stick in our mouth after we finished eating it.
• Drawing nonsense on paper or books during long phone calls or in classrooms.
• Hiding in clothes rack in malls.
• Forcing kids or being forced to talk to relatives on the phone.
• Imagining you’re driving a race car when you push the shopping cart in the mall.
• Checking if somebody sees you after using the bathroom so you can skip washing your hands.
• Sitting next to your parents watching TV but not loving a muscle so they don’t notice it’s past your bed time.
• Acting suspiciously when you see a CCTV in the store.
• Being super concerned about the Bermuda Triangle.
• Opening the battery lid on TV remote.
• Mixing different soda flavors.
• Putting glue on your hand and peeling it off when it’s dry.
• Making origami fortune tellers.
• Practicing your autograph.
• Shampoo mohawk.
• Lying to children.
• Eating too much that you fall asleep.
• Getting stressed for no reason.
• Ending lists on random numbers and items just to mess with you.

His son was in hospital after a car crash, injured and in critical condition. Doctors said there’s low chance that he survives. He couldn’t tolerate seeing him so he went outside and waited for an answer. His wife and other son came, loudly crying, and delivered the sad news to him. His son died. The car crash was too severe for the son to make it alive. He shed a tear and whispered “praise be to God.”

His wife cried more loudly and started hitting him angrily and asked him “your son died and you’re thanking God?” He replied “God is with us all the time. He gave me my son and he took him away. I thank him for good and bad. I’m his servant and he is my loving lord. Praise be to God for everything, not only in happiness, but also in sadness.”

Whether you believe in God or not, that’s a beautiful story.

Many years ago, when we still had control over the web and giant corporation hadn’t still send it to hell, and there were no giant search engines for people to use, we had blogrolls. Blogrolls were sidebar links on our blogs with links to other blogs, usually our friends, which we recommended people to visit.

Sometimes we recommended a blog, sometimes we linked to an interesting post or project, sometimes we wanted to boost a project, but we always had something to recommend to our visitors.

These were carefully curated lists. We felt an obligation to recommend only good stuff. We felt a responsibility over the material we were recommending to other people. Blogrolls could be found on any blog you visited. We essentially built a network of blogs all linked to each other.

Then blogging platforms and programs became more advanced and we could create pages. We moved our sidebar links to special “links” pages and then blogroll ones. Blogroll pages used to contain links to other blogs and projects with small description or comment on each of them. Sometimes we collectively described them as good stuff.

I don’t know what happened to blogrolls after that. They started to fade away and disappear from blogs. Search engines became more advanced and people encouraged each other to use them more. Few remaining old-school blogs and networks kept their blogrolls but they became some kind of listed-only link pages. No description, no comment, no old-school stuff.

I, too, made these boring lists. Only listing names or projects. I even deleted my blogroll page for quite a time. Then I read Simone’s post. He was right. We should curate our blogroll pages in the old manner. We should care about what we post and publish or recommend to people.

Simone asked for context on blogroll pages. He wants to see:

• Who is this person you’re linking?
• Why are you following them?
• What’s in their blog that caught your interest?

and he’s absolutely right. So I updated my blogroll page to do exactly this. I must describe what I’m recommending to people. This should be the default way of publishing blogrolls. Oh, and before that, we should have blogrolls. Old-school blogs baby, bring them back. Bring back the old blogs and the old way of blogging.

This post may contain spoilers about “The Good Place” television series.

Things in the afterlife don’t happen while things are happening here because while time on Earth moves in a straight line, one thing happens and the next and the next, time in afterlife moves in a “Jeremy Bearimy.”

In the afterlife time doubles back and loops around and ends up looking something like Jeremy Bearimy. This is the timeline in the afterlife. Happens to kinda look like the name “Jeremy Bearimy” in cursive English, so that’s what we call it.

It means that something can happen before the stuff that happened before. Like future can be past, or the past can happen in future while it also happened in past after what has happened in future.

See the dot above the “I” in Bearimy? That’s Tuesdays, and also July, and sometimes it’s never. Occasionally that moment on the Bearimy timeline is the time-moment when nothing never occurs. If you don’t get it, don’t worry. The dot over the I broke Chidi.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, well, you probably haven’t watched the show The Good Place. Your loss. It’s hilarious, fun, clever, pleasant, thought provoking, and top-rated. I sometimes re-watch some episodes or review some parts.

Now what happened that I thought of this again? Specially the Jeremy Bearimy part? I was visiting Silvia Maggi’s web site and I saw her Jeremy Bearimy page. I immediately recognized the name, that’s why I clicked on it. In her words, the Jeremy Bearimy page is “where time flows differently. Past, present and future happen at the same time. There is no clear structure, and the rules are different.”

I thought it’s exactly like the blogosphere. While Silvia uses the page for CSS experiments and creativity, when we look at our blogs, we get the same feeling. I know I’m sounding weird and I probably make no sense to you but let me explain.

Sometimes I visit my favorite blogs and I read old posts. I read about their concerns at that time, I feel their excitement to announce something, and sometimes I try to imagine myself as a third-person thing when those stuff are happening. It’s like a time travel for me except that it’s already happened, while it is happening at the moment to me, and it will happen again in future if I want to. Kinda like Jeremy Bearimy.

Isn’t it awesome? I love blogging and reading blogs. I love indieweb and people who still are active in old-school communities. I love subscribing to your independent and self-owned blogs. It makes me feel alive, it makes me feel part of a community. When I receive an email from you about a post I published or shared, I truly, and genuinely, get happy and smile.

I sometimes read blog posts about an Apple event or WordPress release, or just some rants or emotional posts about difficulties in their lives and it fascinates me. Not just because they’re old posts but because I get to read them when I want. You can’t do that in social networks such as Twitter or (currently) Mastodon, they’re not designed for that.

But blogs are specially designed and created to have this ability. Most blogs are designed in a way to make oldest posts as easily accessible as the newest ones. It’s one of the basics of blogs and I’m glad it’s like this. I get to experience the past, I get to know about future, and I get everything live, right now, in the easiest way possible. It’s the Jeremy Bearimy, time in afterlife, but we get to experience it now; and that’s awesome.

It was when I quit social networks that I knew how they’re truly addicting. I felt something was missing from my life. I missed communicating with friends I made, I missed writing about whatever came to my mind, and I was opening the web sites randomly out of habit only to realize I no longer have anything there.

I signed up again a few times because I couldn’t tolerate the situation. I was too addicted to social networks to be able to function like a normal person. The addiction to constantly writing or reading about random things and being virtually and digitally social prevented me to do anything meaningful, like reading more books, long articles, or even get some shut-eye.

I was an addict. Just like a heroin addict, that can’t function normally in society, I was having problems in society. I couldn’t have a focused meaningful conversation with people, I couldn’t enjoy my environment, I couldn’t enjoy the company of people around me, and I was looking at a screen all the time, even though there was nothing for me there.

I used to be very relaxed. I still don’t get angry easily or soon. However, lately, I realized that I’m getting worried about little things pretty easy and too much.

Contrary to how I was before, I’m now stressed all the time about little unimportant details or situations I got myself into. I came to realization that I must train myself to deal with what I can’t control.

The past two weeks were stressful for me. I got in some situations that were out of my control and I was mistaken all the time, day and night. It was so intense for me that friends around me were trying to comfort me and they were worried that I get sick from overthinking.

Deep down I knew it was going to be fine and no major disappointment will occur but I still couldn’t control my thoughts and get rid of the overwhelming pressure that I put on myself.

It was at my lowest point at that time that I said to myself I have to put an end to it. It must stop and it must be controlled.

I went to my favorite cafe, ordered my favorite cold-brewed coffee, asked the barista to put on my favorite music, and closed my eyes. I started my training.

It’s simple. It’s what I’m used to do when I can’t sleep. I close my eyes and imagine bright dots. Each dot represents one of my weaknesses or undesirable situations. Then I create an imaginary box and put all of those dots inside the box. Then I try to force those dots out of the box to empty my head from bad thoughts. It may take time but it’s effective, at least for me.

I did it while I was surrounded by my friends and it worked. Proving to myself that I can do it when I want and I can regain control over myself.

I’m back home right now, at the end of my vacation. I’m relaxed, not completely without stress, but not miserable. The amount of stress and pressure on me is back to normal but I didn’t stop my training.

I have to continue my training and I have to have control over what impacts me. I may not be done with the training but I’m already happy.

As I’m surrounded by my like-minded people, who care about software freedom and privacy, I’m usually questioned about why I’m not on social networks and sometimes get suggestions about what social network may suit me.

I have to explain to them that my problem is not with a certain network, no matter how ethical they might be, but rather is with the essence of social networks. My problem with social networks is that they’re social and they require some bare minimum that I’m uncomfortable with.

Social networks always have a system of rating and assessment of posts and people. They always have like or upvote/downvote buttons, they show following/follower counts and they rely on people to interact with each other and remain active to be able to keep up with the network and the people.

These are the bare minimum requirements of a social network to become functional for people. People love these and if a network misses these so-called features, people consider it broken. A social network with no follower/following count, no like button, no stats, and no kind of rating people is, in my honest opinion, a true “social” network.

My favorite social network will not mind-play people to compete with each other to care about the following/follower rate or how many likes their posts get; but rather tries to connect people solely based on their posts and favorite communities. My favorite social network won’t tell you that your post is good enough (so it got enough likes) or you’re not likeable (because you get few followers), it’ll tell you how beneficial or important you are for your community based on the interactions you have with other members and real communications, not by likes your post gets.

A social network should be about connecting people and members of communities, not about trying to make people compete in pointless mind-games. My problem with social networks is that they’re addictive and they somehow force you to remain active day after day but my favorite social network helps you be active whenever you need or whenever it suits you.

My favorite social network won’t exclude any people, however it moderates the communities and people. The network, which surely should be decentralized, will try to prevent any harms done to you both mentally and physically. It will protect you from privacy-invaders and it will protect you from harassment.

Networks we currently have are trying to show you more and more. That’s one way to make you an addict. Algorithm or not, the way timelines work, even in Mastodon, it’s an endless scroll; specially if you have a lot of following. My favorite social network won’t give you an endless feed, rather it focuses on giving you a feed which makes you aware of how much you’re scrolling or turning pages. This way it ensures that you’re not spending countless hours reading what you won’t even remember 10 minutes later. Of course it’ll also show you funnies or daily stuff happening to your friends but it will also make sure you’re aware of your scrolling.

My favorite social network will give you possibility to limit your interactions. It will hide you from everybody other than what you choose. You will be able to choose whether you want to be public or keep hidden for outside circles. It won’t make you public or show your existence to anyone other than who you choose. You may choose to be discoverable or not, but whatever you choose it will respect it.

My favorite social network won’t be owned by any corporation or a billionaire, it won’t be forced to implement anything because a player in network or a donor requires it, it will only implement what benefits the members of the network.

Of course not all social networks have all of these issues but they all have at least some of these problems. Sadly, there’s no social network, to my knowledge, that fixes all of these problems. And social networks create communities and not all communities are toxic for me. Federated social networks managed to create a network of communities. For example, in Mastodon, we have Fosstodon that is a FOSS community and we have SDF which is an art community all connected together.

And not all members of social networks actually care about my issues or even care about mind-games social networks play, but most people, I believe, have this kind of mindset and it has become the nature of participation in social networks. We should change that.

I’m super tired right now. Since I started my experiment, I’ve been trying very hard to keep up with it and it’s been 15 days since I started not sleeping well intentionally. 15 very hard days indeed.

At first I thought it becomes easy when I go with the experiment a few days. i thought it’s hard at first and I get used to it but as I was moving forward, it became harder and harder. I’ve become exhausted more and more and I tried to get energy with food and sleeping in quiet rooms to make up for it but it wasn’t working.

I tried to save my energy with limiting my movement and avoid hard work and drinking a lot of water for hydration but it also wasn’t enough.

More I went on with the experiment, more I got distracted and I became less and less focused. It was hurting my job and I couldn’t keep up with everything that was going on. After the first week, to better my work quality and prevent damages to my business, I changed the schedule to bring sleeping hours closer together but it wasn’t enough.

Sometimes I would suddenly come to my senses and realize that I had not been conscious for the previous minutes. But in the same moments that I was doing something, I was aware that I was doing it. I didn’t pass out, I just phased out for some minutes. Something like a muscle memory, you’re aware that you’re doing something but you do it automatically and without your control. For example, I did sell the products and did log the record on my computer but I did them unaware of myself. It was like looking at myself in third-person.

I didn’t have any problem driving or eating. Nothing was changed and I didn’t phase out or sleepy. I didn’t notice any change and nobody told me anything so I guess even if there were some change or inconveniences, it wasn’t that much for people to notice.

Communicating with other people was also good. Only a few people told me I look tired and I could keep up with people and conversations. I also faced no issue with remembering stuff. I thought my short-term memory would be affected but I faced no problem.

Sleeping became hard at some point. I had trouble going to sleep a few times but it wasn’t too much of trouble. I think it was the fifth day of the experiment. Waking up was also hard. It was the hardest part of the experiment. i thought about giving up a few times.

I could still go on with the experiment. I still have some energy left in me, enough to continue the experiment for at least another week but I stopped because I didn’t want to bother my business or people around me anymore. Sleeping hours and crankiness didn’t only affect me, it also affected those around me.

Anyway, I’m gonna sleep like a baby tonight and I’m gonna enjoy every second of it. It was a good experiment and I’m not regretting it. I enjoyed it overall.